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The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you don’t have.
The more vital your research, the less people will understand it.
May you never leave your marriage alive.
It’s not how good your work is, it’s how well you explain it.
If you do not say it, they can’t repeat it.
Billings Phenomenon: The conclusions of most good operations research studies are obvious. Robert E. Machol (The name refers to a well known Billings story in which a farmer becomes concerned that his black horses are eating more than his white horses. He does a detailed study of the situation and finds that he has more black horses than white horses, Machol points out.
Happiness is not a circus clown rolling around in a big tractor tire so that his arms and legs form “spokes.” Happiness is when he stops.
If you’re a circus clown, and you have a dog that you use in your act, I don’t think it’s a good idea to also dress the dog up like a clown, because people see that and they think, “Forgive me, but that’s just too much.”
Why is it that we will laugh at a man in a clown outfit, but we don’t laugh at a man just walking down the street carrying a clown outfit in one of those plastic dry cleaner bags?
Laugh, clown, laugh. This is what I tell myself whenever I dress up like Bozo.
To me, clowns aren’t funny. In fact, they’re kinda scary. I’ve wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.
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Security depends not so much upon how much you have as upon how much you can do without.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
Science is not a sacred cow. Science is a horse. Don’t worship it. Feed it.
Science is always simple and always profound. It is only the half truths that are dangerous.
Say no, then negotiate.
Rule of defactualization: information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
Roses are red violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic and so am I.
Repetition does not establish validity.
Remember the tea kettle, though up to its neck in hot water, it continues to sing.
Real programmers argue with the systems analyst as a matter of principle.
Quit while your still behind.
Quality assurance doesn’t.
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Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
My opinions are my wife’s, and she says I’m lucky to have them.
The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
Stay in with the outs.
Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.
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If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.
If you cannot get your work done in a hour day, then work nights!
I wonder if angels believe in ghosts.
Any error in any calculation will be in the direction of the most harm.
A disagreeable task is its own reward.
There is no evidence to support the notion that life is serious.
It is better to be part of the idle rich class than be part of the idle poor class.
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The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.
It’s a good apartment because they allow pets. I have a Shetland pony named Nikkie. Last summer Nikkie was involved in a bizarre electrolysis accident. All her hair was removed except for her tail. Now I rent her out to Hare Krishna family picnics.
It just doesn’t get any Beta than this.
A travel agent offered me a day special. He told me I would fly from New York to London. Then from Tokyo back to New York. I asked him…how am I supposed to get from London to Tokyo? He told me . . . that is why we give you days.
The workbench is always untidier than last time.
That which cannot be taken apart will fall apart.
There are two things on earth that are universal: hydrogen and stupidity.
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I am in total control, but don’t tell my wife.
There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
Excuses are like bodies, everybody has one!
Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked.
There is no limit to how bad things can get.
The paperless office will become a reality about the same time as the paperless toilet.
Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.