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Real Funny Status Updates for Facebook on Facebook itself that get attention:

Be careful who you tell a secret, some peoples’ way of keeping secrets is posting them on Facebook.

Today’s forecast; severe attitude warnings possible throughout the day, scattered sarcasm showers, and a strong chance of annoyance later in the day… 😛

 

I’m not addicted to facebook! You know, I just use it whenever I have time. Lunch time, break time, bed time, off time, that time, this time, any time, all the time!

Facebook is starting to be like my fridge, I know nothing is there but I keep checking it anyway… rolf.. 🙂

Do you want to make money from Facebook? It’s easy. Just go to your Account Setting, Deactivate your account, and Go To Work!

Some people should consider having multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.

There are two types of human beings found on Facebook. One who gets enormous amount of likes and comments on their posts. And the others are men.

Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account. lol..

I’m not addicted to facebook! You know, I just use it whenever I have time. Lunch time, break time, bed time, off time, that time, this time, any time, all the time! 😛

Facebook should have a limit on how many times a relationship status can be change … after 3 times it should be change default to UNSTABLE! lol 🙂

 Comedy Jokes as Facebook Status Updates to get more likes & Comments:

“Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.” 😛

I think instead of “LOL”….I’m going to go with “SALTS” ( smiled a little then stopped). It’s more truthful!!

Suggested serving size is only for skinny people right?

I didn’t sleep very good last night. So this morning I put Monster energy drinks in my coffee… I was half way to work when I realized I forgot my car. 🙂

I always wondered why The Muppets had such large protruding eyes. I then realized that if I had a hand shoved up my ass my eyes would do the same.

Just because I like your Facebook status does not mean I want to date, or hangout with you…;)

A man asks a trainer in the gym: “I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?” Trainer replies: “Use the ATM”

When I stare at the sky, I see you. When I stare out into the ocean, I see you. When I’m looking at the moon, I see you. Geez! Would you move aside, you’re constantly getting in my way.

All women crave attention, but Twitter and Facebook exposes all the women that can’t function without it.

VIEW SAD LOVE IMAGES WALLPAPERS ON LOVE FOR FACEBOOK FB

Best Funny status for Facebook:

If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.

Please leave your name, number, and as long as I’m making demands, your best rendition of the “I Believe I Can Fly”

Walmart…because going to Target requires identity theft protection and a shower.

You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.

I would’ve slept my way to the top years ago if it actually involved sleeping.

That moment when you’re talking a test and you want everyone to know you’re ahead so you flip the page as loud as possible.

Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn’t appreciate it when you call “shotgun” before boarding a plane.

When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.

Good Funny status for Facebook:

On the 12th day of Facebook, Facebook gave to me, 12 pouters pouting, 11 pokers poking, 10 haters hating, 9 dudes I’m blocking, 8 attention seekers, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 invitations, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends requests & sleaze who won’t stop in-boxing meeee!

If a girl ever pulls a knife out on you during an argument, pull out some bread and mayo. Her woman instincts will kick in and she’ll make you a sandwich.

I was bored so I said “Wow, that’s a weird place to put a piano.” You wouldn’t believe how many people looked around for a piano. I was in an elevator.

“Oh my god! A giant face just destroyed my house! Now he seems to be doing some weird dance?” – spiders
My lemonade contains artificial flavoring. My laundry detergent contains real lemons. Screw everything.

I like how adding a little OJ to a glass of champagne says “I’m classy” instead of “It’s nine in the morning and I have a drinking problem.”

Amusing 150 Funny Facebook Status Updates to get 100 likes & Comments in English & Hindi

Cool Funniest Facebook Status:

For April Fools Day, I think Facebook should switch the search box and the status update box around. So people would post updates on who they stalk.

My girlfriend told me to grow a pear… What the hell does fruit have to do with killing this spider?

Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.

You know shit is about to get real when two ladies take off their earrings simultaneously.

The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.

Election and Erection are spelled almost exactly the same. They both mean the same thing too. A dick rising to power.

I just saw two elementary school kids having a fist fight. So as an adult I had to step in. They didn’t stand a chance.

What’s the point in blurring out the middle finger on television? Like, oh you fooled me, what’s behind that blur? An umbrella? An elephant?

You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine

VIEW SAD LOVE QUOTES FOR FACEBOOK FB

Cool Funny Hindi Status Updates for Facebook FB:

Gunde ka beta oral exam mein fail ho gaya aur aakar apne baap se bola: Un logon ne 3 ghante tak meri puchtach ki magar apun bhi teri aulad hai, saala kuch bhi nahi bola

Kehte Hein Waqt Se Pehle
Or Kismat Ke Bina
Kisi Ko Kuch Nahi Milta
. . . . ~Afsos~ . . . . . .
.
Mere Paas Waqt Nahi
Or Ladkiyon Ke Paas Kismat Nahi… 😀 😛

GirlFriend and
Bluetooth wale phone
Ek jaise hote hain
paas mein ho to connected rehte hain..
Door hone pe ‘ New Device Found ‘ 😛

“सबके कर्ज़े चुका दूं मरने से पहले, ऐसी मेरी नियतं हैं,
मौंत से पहले तूं भी बता दे ज़िन्दगी, तेरी क्या किंमत हैं.”

#MAA ke aanchal me sone ka sukh,
agli generation nahi le payegi..
Kyun ki
.
.
SHORTS pehenne wali MAA,
aanchal kaha se layegi lol 😛 😀

Bhagwan ko gussa kab aata hai?

– Jab koi ladki shadi se pahle pregnant hoti hai, aur uski maa bole:

“HEY BHAGWAN YE TUNE KYA KIYA?”

I Love
I Love u
I Love u
*
*
*I Love u
*
*
I love u So much
*
*
Bus Yehi kehna chahti thi
heer ranjha se. magar bechari ko ENGLISH nahi aati thi*

 

Meri Aankhe Rakh Lo
Mujhe Kuch Khwab Dedo
Jisme Teri Jhalak Ho
Aesi Sharab Dedo
Chalo Choro Sari Bate,
Aisa Kro
.
.
.
2 Roti Or Thodi Dal Dedo.

Originally posted 2014-08-06 06:06:47.

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