Hello buddies. Here are Funny One Line Whatsapp Status for you. Live and laugh today.
One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.
People call at PM and ask, “Did I wake you?”
Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.
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Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
The candles cost more than the cake.
The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.
The clothes you’ve put away until they come back in style… have come back in style.
The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of your pants.
The girls at the office start confiding in you.
The highway patrol sigh or shake their heads but don’t give you a ticket.
The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.
The waiter asks how you’d like your steak…and you say “pureed”.
There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.
You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
You and your teeth don’t sleep together.
You answer a question with “Because I said so!”
You are no longer ‘promising’.
Funny One Line Whatsapp Status
You are proud of your lawn mower.
You begin every other sentence with, “Nowadays…”
You burn the midnight oil till PM.
You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
You buy trousers with the waist size larger than the length.
You can go bowling without drinking.
Your mind makes contracts your body can’t keep.
Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you see a pretty girl.
Your potted plants stay alive.
Your Saturday Night Fever turns to Saturday Night Hot Flashes.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
Your sideburns are – inches long and are combed over the top of your head.
Your Social Security Number only has three digits.
Your stuff strutted off without you!
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
Your train of thought frequently derails.
Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren’t wearing any.
Youthful indiscretions harden into bad habits.
Youthful injuries return with a vengeance.
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Getting a little action means you don’t need to take a laxative.
Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese, diet Pepsi and Ho-Ho’s
Happy hour is a nap.
Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
You can live without sex, but not without glasses.
You can pinch an inch on your forehead.
You can remember that your school desk had an inkwell with real ink.
You can remember when “gay” meant joyous and lively, merry, happy, light-hearted.
You can remember when a stop sign meant STOP!
You can remember when coke bottles had the town location of the bottling company on the bottom.
You can remember when you could get a room at Motel for six dollars.
You can remember when your milk shake came with two straws.
You can’t remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
You carry an umbrella.
You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
You develop a knack for wearing hats.
You discover that your measurements are now small, medium and large. In that order.
You discover the words, “whippersnapper”, “scalawag” and “by-cracky” creeping into your vocabulary.
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You don’t care where your wife goes, just so you don’t have to go along.
You don’t get liquored up at home, to save money, before going to a bar.
You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
You don’t recall what the first thing to go was.
You don’t remember being absent minded.
You don’t remember when your wild oats turned to shredded wheat.
You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
You feel like the morning after when you haven’t been anywhere the night before.
You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
You find it hard to get out of a low-down car.
You find this list tasteless and insensitive.
You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.
You find yourself standing in line and can’t remember why.
You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
You get propositioned by AARP.
You get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
You give up all your bad habits and you still don’t feel good.
You go from days of vacation time to .
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You go from hoping for a BMW to hoping for a BM.
You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
You got cable for the weather channel. Old Folks MTV!
You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
You have ever used the word NOSIREEBOB.
You have more hair growing out of your ears than you have on your head.
You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don’t care anymore.
You have to stop jogging for your health because your thighs rubbing together start your panty hose on fire.