77 Hilarious one liner {Single Line} Whatsapp Status

Hello friends. Here is a short and sweet collection of 77 Hilarious one liner {Single Line} Whatsapp Status presented in a beautiful way and shown with lots of funny enjoyable statuses for whatsapp & Facebbok

Hilarious status for Whatsapp


Hilarious status for Whatsapp Messenger

I have a bad slice in my golf swing, now my golf partner is dead.

If you see a man in glasses only walking back into your apartment building from day to day, its probably superman.

If you have a shitty job, you probably shouldn’t lick your fingers at lunch time.

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.

You can’t stay married in a situation where you are afraid to go to sleep in case your wife might cut your throat.

What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.

The happiest time in any man’s life is just after the first divorce.

The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.

My divorce came to me as a complete surprise. That’s what happens when you haven’t been home in eighteen years.

In our family we don’t divorce our men, we bury them.

I prefer defending murderers. It’s less depressing and as a rule I meet nicer people. (A family attorney, turned defense attorney)

I had a really good childhood up until I was nine. Then a classic case of divorce really affected me.

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I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.

For some reason, we see divorce as a signal of failure, despite the fact that each of us has a right, and an obligation, to rectify any other mistake we make in life.

Dog people should marry dog people and cat people should marry cat people.

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

Let’s say you stuff a cat’s tail up his ass until it peeks out of his mouth, and you give the tip of its tail a sound yank. Would the cat turn inside out?

Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

I don’t understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?

For every action, there is a corresponding over reaction.

Even paranoids have enemies.

There are no winners in life…only survivors.

It’s fascinating to think that all around us there’s an invisible world we can’t even see. I’m speaking, of course, of the World of the Invisible Scary Skeletons.

Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.

77 Hilarious one liner {Single Line} Whatsapp Status

If I live in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six gun in my holster, I’d carry a soldering iron. That was if some smart aleck cowboy said something like, “Hey look. He’s carrying a soldering iron!” and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, “That’s right, it’s a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice.” Then everyone would get real quiet and ashamed, because they made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.

I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor… so they sent a priest up to talk to me. He said.. On your mark…

I own the erasers for all the miniature golf pencils

Don’t bite the hand that has your paycheck in it.

At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be “Clark Kent, Dentist,” because you could save money on tooth X rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, “How’s my back tooth?” and you just looked at it with your X ray vision and said, “Oh it’s okay,” then the patient would probably say, “Aren’t you going to take an X ray, stupid?” and you’d say, “I did,” and then he probably wouldn’t even pay his bill.

Andrea’s Admonition: Never bestow profanity upon a driver who has wronged you. If you think his window is closed and he can’t hear you, it isn’t and he can.

An ounce of rejection is worse than a pound of “sure”.

The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.

If anything is used to its full potential, it will break.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window. I’ve been arrested three times for practicing.

Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers.

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

Hilarious Whatsapp Status

So I figured I’d leave the area, because I had no ties there anyway except for this girl I was seeing. We had conflicting attitudes: I really wasn’t into meditating and she wasn’t really into being alive. I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate has an expiration date.

If at first you don’t succeed, try something else.

I disapprove of every conspiracy of which I am not a part.

I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, “If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky.” Just then the eclipse would start, and they’d probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.

A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.

Hilarious  Whatsapp Status

The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.

Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, I start imagining: What if there were no civilization out there? No cities, no factories, no people? And then I think: No people or factories? Then who made this car? And this highway? And I get so confused I have to stick my head out the window into the driving rain unless there’s lightning, because I could get struck on the head by a bolt.

If you stand in one place long enough, you make a line.

If you do not understand it, it must be intuitively obvious.

If you do not make dust, you eat dust.

For every ” ” there are ” ‘s”.

Everything is actually everything else, just recycled.

Don’t make your doctor your heir.

Better latent than never.

Originally posted 2015-06-17 10:42:22.

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